The Prop Forward’s Guide to Surviving School Cross Countries… Part One

November 24, 2010 at 8:49 am (Life in General)

Okay, now many of my posts here are about how I see life and are designed to help people move forward.

Today’s post is a little more light hearted but still designed to help people – a particular kind of person.

Yup, TODAY I am writing for those of us who are built more for “comfort” than for “speed”.

It’s also going to be purely hypothetical 😉 . So, it’s a story – it never happened 😉 … well, never say never but you know what I mean!

Okay, so as this is a fable we need to have a centre point. Something for people to relate to. In this case, I will just randomly pick up a name to centre this story around…. How about the totally outlandish name “Luap Nosirrah” ? Sound good?

Okay, so our young hero is a “generously build” individual who enjoy’s nothing less than having to run for long distances. Luap always had the belief that he was never born to be a running and in fact could be seen on Saturday mornings somewhat off the pace in the School rugby game. Quite often with his hands on his hips and very red-faced.

As they say though, what life takes away from you in one area, it gives to you in another and all the “red face jogging” to catch up with the more sleek back line players was all made up for in the tight exchanges where the power (and weight) was brought to bear on the opposition loose head-prop and hooker (that’s a rugby position, if my Mom is reading this…!!) and in the line outs where he could lift his lock, “Meat” (not real name) to “Nose Bleeds Heights”. This was confirmed by Meat’s dad at one game when bellowed “Sjoo! Yrrah (Luap’s Nick Name)! You are lifting my boy so high he could fart on his oppositions head!” Which was obviously met with the raucous laughter you would expect from South African school boys with “Toilet Humour”.

Anyway, our young hero getting a bit nervous prior to the day in question as it was rolling up to the dreaded cross country day. Now, Luap had managed to miss the past 4 years annual Cross Countries races due to nasty injuries that has mysteriously effected him about a week prior to the actual event. Everything from waterskiing accidents to sever food poisoning and notes from matron! Booha!!

Luap is a man of some honour though and he felt that, as this was his final year at school, he needed to at least “run with the boys” and “give it a go”. So he was preparing himself with some intrepidation – that basically meant eating less bread at dinner time.

He had no other plan that just to go out and make it happen. Incidentally, he had been psyching himself up prior to this whole ordeal by listening to the song “Bang” by Gorky Park , 5 times on his luminous yellow walk man attached to his belt.

The cross country was to be held on a Thursday afternoon after school. As the bell went to signify the end of double English lesson and therefore the end of the school day, Luaps heart sank. he knew that his impending mission of self-destruction was about to play its self-out in front  of 700 odd of his peers.

Being a bit outspoken at times, Luap was never one to manage “going under the radar” very well so it had already been leaked to the rest of the school that he would be making an appearance at the cross country start line. This was reportedly met with a combination of cackling laughter and blatant disbelief by all those “non believers”. People who had witnessed Luaps performances before and knew this was certainly not his area of strength.

Luap made his way out of English class, walking very slowly… dragging his feet. If you didn’t know better you may have been able to hear the P.A. system ringing out “Deeaadd mmaaaann walking….!

His anxiety at running the cross country, finishing way behind the rest of the group and being not just average but absolutely crap at something and the shame of it all was compounded by a class mate, “Max”, a hard-running rugby centre with dazzling footwork which at times mimicked that of a gazelle : “So Yrrah, rumour has it that you are actually going to make the start line this year? ” to this, Luap flashed his fast speaking, fast running classmate a threatening glare that had hints of potential violence in it. Max saw the weakness behind the glare, gave a raucous laugh and trotted off like a prize pony.

Luap got back to the changing rooms and readied himself to face his fears (which, in hindsight, are ALWAYS irrational) He donned his blue PT shorts, white sports vest and school track suit top to try and look somewhat composed and semi like he “knew what he was doing” (which obviously was a complete and utter lie)

Getting down to the major rugby pitch which was wear the dreamed “death run” was due to start from, Luap felt a combination of confidence and out right fear. The confidence coming from previous rugby games played on this hallowed turf where his bulk, size and power had rewarded him with numerous accolades, bullocking runs and tight head scrums. The fear was coming from his perceived impending failure and total ridicule at the hands of the rest of the school.

As he approach the starting line, cheers and jeers went up as more and more of the other boys notice the “rotund outspoken one” making his way to join them. They concurred that the rumour was true. Yrrah was indeed going to join them in the annual cross country…..

To Be Continued….


1 Comment

  1. Fred Tracy said,

    Lol. This is funny. I’m gonnna subscribe to your RSS feed. Can’t wait to check out part 2 later. 🙂

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